"To bed, to bed, to bed I said" is actually a silly rhyme my brother Derek would yell/ singsong when he was babysitting me. For some reason, he has always made up silly nonsense that at times is quite brilliant or profound, but most often just random. This one for some reason has stuck. I love it because its playful, firm, and still gives you the authority. (Ps-Derek's ability has been past down, my husband and Kenzington have mastered the art. Currently her favorite adaptation is making up words to "twinkle twinkle little star" for cleaning up.. "Clean up clean up little girls... We made a big big big mess!")
Ok but to explain why I would desire to have a firm bedtime routine is a whole other side-note. I am a self proclaimed "sleep dictator". I tend to be unyielding, consistent, and firm in reference to bedtimes. Again, all of this has stemmed from reading. I have read quite a few baby sleeping books and have once again omitted things I didn't like, and adapted others to our lifestyle. Bed in our house is a 5 minute max event (15 if its a bath night) that involves changing, reading or talking for a few minutes, cleaning up and saying good night. The only time that bedtime took longer was when I would feed Sutton a night bottle/nurse. We put the girls in their bed (they sleep in the same room and go to bed at the same time) say good night, turn off the light and close the door. There isn't fighting, whining, getting up for water, the bathroom or any of that. They know that they will be in there until tomorrow morning when it's time to wake up. Kenzington can read a book (that we give her) she isn't allowed to get out of bed and Sutton (who is still in a crib) obviously can't get out of her bed but she at times points and signs "please" that she wants a book as well. In the morning, when its time for the girls to get up we go and get them. Most mornings they are up and happy in their beds before we go in. If they have to wait 45 minutes or 5 minutes from the time they wake up to the time we come in to get them it's ok. They actually wait patiently. Reading, talking, playing and sometimes even catching a few extra minutes of sleep.
*This is actually a pic of the girls playing in a hotel bed. They don't sleep in the same bed but this is a super cute example of how happy they are about sleep. Haha
They wake up happy and I have a consistent time frame at night that I can sleep, have a glass of wine or beer with my husband, and even get showered and ready to go before I have to be on kiddo watch. Which makes me the best mom that I can be. I am unapologetic about my time to sleep, hubby time, and time to distress. When my kids are up, they have my attention, patience, worry and energy. There is NOTHING wrong with getting some time for yourself. Mommas who can do it with 4 hours of sleep are superheroes but there is a way to get some sleep back. ( And please know there is no glory in fatigue. It sucks, you feel like crap and others suffer, not just you). The best part is that sleep can be consistent, guaranteed 98% of the time (growth spurts, teething, and bad dreams not included) and for everyone in the family!
"What mom? This sleep thing is a breeze!" Kenzington at bedtime
Now, I am not saying that this is easy for all parents or their kids. It was hard to let the girls as babies work themselves to sleep verses having (or quite frankly wanting desperately) to rock them to sleep. But one unifying factor for my style of parenting is how will this enable or disable them in 4 months, when they are 6, or 18 years old? While I wanted to rock them to sleep each and every night, let the new baby smell transfer to my clothes, watch them breathe every tiny breath, but I had to believe that if it became a habit it would hinder and disable them in the long run. That is not to say that I didn't indulge in a few stolen moments of watching and holding them but I was always aware if they or more importantly if I was becoming dependent and if the cuddle session was becoming a habit. I remember those moments fondly and do not feel like I "missed out".
One of daddy's cuddle moments
One of my (mumma) cuddle sessions
"Bringing up Bebe" by Druckerman and "French Twist" by Crawford both discuss a method termed "Le Pause". No, that is not a French word or voodoo magic. It's a play on words that means... RELAX. Take a beat. Pause, wait and see if your baby can comfort themselves. If they can, great! They will get better and better at it. If they can't, you go in and help. But you have to wait and pause.
Our sleep training is again an adaptation. Our simple rules are:
1. Sleep training starts when baby is down to one feeding at night (in a 12hr night time stretch) which is usually between 3-6 months. From my readings, if you sleep train after 6 months you will have to let the baby do far more crying than if you do it while they are younger (ie. Ferber)
2. Baby goes to bed groggy but not asleep
3. Sleep training takes place in a separate space so baby, siblings, and most importantly parents can get used to not waking/reacting to every whimper.
4. Le Pause- wait if the baby wakes up, 5 min minimum to see if they need you to help. If baby needs help, don't pick them up, try a dummy (if you use pacifiers) or whispering, rubbing their face, their back etc, if all other attempts fail then pick them up but don't let them fall asleep, get them calm and then put them back in the crib/bed. Key is no eye contact and try not to talk to them. "Shhhh" doesn't count as talking. Haha
5. If the crying starts to escalate (even within the 5 minute minimum wait period) then go in and help with the above mentioned methods.
6. Sleep period is 12 hours from start to finish. In the morning, if baby wakes up let them wait and sit until its time to get up. If they cry, use the methods above.
* if you are nursing, you still should wake up to pump at least until your body gets used to the longer stretches. The bonus of the pumped milk is you might get a feeding for a date night or extra drink from those sessions.
So there you have it. Our Francophile Inspired sleep training method that has worked on both my babies. Both girls slept through the night (12 hrs) at 12 weeks. There were still some rough nights that followed but they got better at it and so have we. We have gotten better at Le pause and they have maintained their enthusiasm with our bed routine. Usually happily skipping "to bed, to bed, to bed I said!"
This is a fb post when Kenzington was 3months old and sleeping 12 hours. Yes I'm gloating, haha that wine, book and bath time was epic!
Happy sutton at 12 weeks old after her first night of 12 hours all by herself!
Leave a comment below about how you sleep trained or if "to bed, to bed, to bed I said" has helped you gain some night time sanity.
- Bon Chance Mon Ami!
* PLEASE NOTE- my children are happy and healthy. Everything that I did was discussed with our dr and I consulted numerous friends and family members who also did variations of this method. My babies are not damaged (haha that I can tell so far, and if they are, it's certainly not from sleep training) so please play nice and don't judge. Because I don't. Promise.
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